Finding Self-Love in a Sea of Comparison (in 3 Easy Steps)

featuring Guest Author Kait of Kaitness.com

Today, in keeping with the theme of truly embracing a deep steadfast love for ourselves, I’d love to dive a bit deeper into the topic of self-confidence in a sea of comparison

So what is COMPARISON and how does it happen?

COMPARISON happens when you fall victim to the mentality that you do not have enough, and that what you do have is second best. Comparison poisons our minds to believe lies about ourselves (and others). At the end of the day, comparison actually tells us that we are NOT enough.

Ugh.

I am quite literally exhausted just thinking about how my mind plays so many tricks on me...aren’t you? But here's the thing: Who is to say this way of thinking has to continue? Who is to say we cannot conquer these thoughts once and for all?

My amazing friends at Maggy London are HUGE advocates of this message and have invited me today to promote a message of body positivity and self-love, as we fight the battle of comparison and seek ultimate joy and the pursuit to thrive each and every day. The lovely navy dress I am wearing in this post is one that is available for all shapes and sizes: petite, missy, and curve...and boy do I LOVE that! They truly are such a brand that loves embracing the beauty of a woman at every shape and size. Thank you, Maggy London for helping to spread this beautiful message of empowerment and self-LOVE!

So today, we bring you the top 3 ways to fight for self-love in a sea of comparison!

KAIT IS WEARING OUR STEVIE MIDI ($138)

1. FIGHT with All Your Might Against the Scarcity Mentality

Shoo, Scarcity! Go away! And in its place, I welcome abundance. I spoke about this exact thing — choosing abundance over scarcity — earlier in 2017 with my post on how to live an abundant life, Basically, the idea is that if there is a pie and someone gets too big of a piece of the pie, that must mean that there is actually less for the rest of us. They got more, so there could not possibly be a way for me to ever get as much as them. This scarcity comparison mentality is crippling us from ever stepping into what we are truly called to be. It makes us feel left out and unworthy of things based on the sole assumption that there is not enough pie to go around.

I think that social media does a brilliant (ugh) job at playing into this mentality. We see someone thriving with their dream job and dream man and dream family and living all the DREAMY things you long to be/have...and suddenly we start thinking that could never possibly be us. Ever. There is not enough of whatever “that” is to go around. So you just get stuck with the smaller slice of pie and have to make do. I don't think so.

The truth is, we CAN fight this mentality. We can root ourselves in the truth that there is MORE than one pie to go around. There is no longer just ONE winner of the pie. Rather, there are many pies and in essence, we all win in our own way. When you switch to an abundance mentality in ALL that you do, you suddenly realize that you begin to embrace your own self-worth and confidence fully.

FLARE SLEEVE BODY POSITIVITY MAGGY LONDON OOTD.jpg

2. KNOW That You Are Your Own Perfect YOU

There is only ONE of you, and that one of you is so perfectly imperfect. There is no such thing as the perfect body or the perfect wife or the perfect lifestyle or the perfect home. The way each of those things is perfect is by being specific to YOU and your uniqueness. The more we can embrace our uniqueness, the easier it will be to accept our flaws as beautiful.

Our bodies are one place where this is especially important. We are constantly inundated with advertisements, and pictures, and all sorts of media show us the “ideal” body type for a woman — perfectly chiseled abs, slim waistline, high cheekbones, thick hair, and tone behind are just a few of the things that are perpetuated again and again. But here’s the question I want you to start asking yourself:

When did the specific shapes or sizes of our bodies ever impact the world?

When did having perfect body types make us better people?

When did we ever showcase true meaning through the way we looked?

I am not saying people with amazing bodies don’t do incredible things — Not at all — But rather, I’m trying to let you in on the little secret: You (just as YOU are) are capable of making a true difference in the lives of others, regardless of what you look like on the outside. I think we succumb to comparison much more frequently when we forget just how PERFECT our imperfection truly is. When we forget how MEMORABLE we can be with our actions. When we forget how MEANINGFUL we can be with our hearts.

If we are going to fight this ugly battle of comparison, we have to first embrace that we are beautiful, lovely, amazing, talented, courageous, unique, lovable, fierce, strong, inspiring...JUST the way we are.

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3. HOLD Your Chin Up, Head Down

Repeat this to yourself: Someone else’s joy does not equal my failure. Someone else’s joy does not equal my failure. Someone else’s joy does not equal my failure.

If we are able to hold our chin UP through the storms of life and keep our head DOWN when being told what we should and should not look like/do/have/want...then we might actually be able to fend off the big bad ugly wolf of comparison once and for all! I think one of the best things we can do to ward off comparison is to stay in our lanes.

Keep your focus on the things ahead. Remain strong in knowing that you are promised a life of greatness. Understand this: this greatness WILL look different from the person next to you, but if we choose to remain focused with our eyes ahead fixed on our lanes, we won’t even have time to feel upset about what is happening in other people’s lives because OUR OWN journeys will be enough.

Lastly, hold your chin UP. When the storms of life come blowing, we can often get knocked down (which can dismantle our strength and concentration on the road ahead). This is where in the world of comparison, we must start choosing to live a wholehearted life — living from a place of worthiness and strength, even when life gets you down. Here's how Brene Brown puts it in her amazing book, Rising Strong:

“I define wholehearted living as engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

So lovely readers, in partnership with the AMAZING Maggy London team, we want to encourage you to embrace self-love in a sea of comparison. Keep scrolling to read your mantras for the next week.